Scott Clary
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Apr 25 • 9 min read
The People Filter: Why Your Success Depends on Who You Let Stay
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The People Filter: Why Your Success Depends on Who You Let Stay
"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself." — Edmund Lee You're surrounded by the wrong people. I know that sounds harsh. But after working with hundreds of high-achievers over the years, I've noticed a pattern so consistent it can't be ignored: Most people's biggest obstacles aren't their strategies, their products, or their market timing. They're the energy-draining relationships they refuse to release. The client who never pays on time but consumes hours of support. The team member who delivers mediocre work while creating constant drama. The mentor whose outdated advice keeps you playing small. The friend who subtly undermines every new venture you start. You tolerate these relationships because you think that's what good people do. You pride yourself on loyalty, on sticking things out, on seeing the best in others. Meanwhile, they're silently stealing your most valuable resource: energy. And without energy, your creativity suffers. Your decision-making falters. Your resilience crumbles exactly when you need it most. Today, I'm going to share why having a ruthless filter for the people in your life is the most underrated business advantage you'll ever develop. Because once you understand this principle, you'll never look at relationships the same way again. The High Cost of Low-Quality RelationshipsLet me tell you about James. James was building a promising SaaS company. Smart guy, great product, clear vision. But every time we met, he looked more exhausted than before. His business was growing, but his energy was shrinking. When I dug deeper, I discovered that James spent roughly 60% of his working hours managing two particularly difficult clients. These clients represented only 20% of his revenue but consumed most of his mental bandwidth. "I can't afford to lose them," he insisted. But here's what James failed to calculate: the opportunity cost. Every hour spent managing difficult relationships is an hour not spent on:
James was trapped in the oldest entrepreneurial fallacy: believing that all revenue is good revenue. It's not. Some revenue costs you far more than it's worth. After much resistance, James finally fired his two most difficult clients. Within three months, he had replaced their revenue threefold with clients who respected his boundaries and processes. More importantly, his energy returned. The creative spark that had attracted clients in the first place reignited. He started enjoying his business again. The lesson? Your business can only be as healthy as you are. And your health is directly tied to the quality of your relationships. The Energy Exchange PrincipleNow, let's talk about something fundamental that most people completely miss. Every relationship in your life operates on an energy exchange principle. Some relationships are net positive—you leave interactions feeling energized, inspired, and stronger. Some are neutral—neither particularly draining nor energizing. And some are net negative—after spending time with these people, you feel depleted, doubtful, or diminished. This isn't just emotional fluff. This is practical business math. Imagine tracking your relationships the way you track your finances: Positive energy relationships = investments that appreciate over time Neutral energy relationships = break-even transactions Negative energy relationships = expenses that deliver no return No smart business owner would continue investing in something that consistently loses money. Yet we do this constantly with our relationships, particularly in professional contexts. "But I need to maintain professional relationships with difficult people. That's just business." Is it though? Warren Buffett, one of history's greatest investors, famously operates by what he calls the "Inner Scorecard" principle. He surrounds himself only with people he genuinely likes and trusts. In his own words: "I work only with people I like. If you go to work every morning with your stomach churning, you're in the wrong business." His rationale is simple: The energy he preserves by avoiding negative relationships gives him the clarity to make better decisions and the strength to overcome the countless obstacles in his path. This isn't about being cold or transactional. It's about being intentional with your most precious resource. The Three Warning Signs You're With the Wrong PeopleYou don't need a complex framework to identify the relationships that are holding you back. There are three clear warning signs that someone doesn't belong in your inner circle: 1. They Consistently Drain Your EnergyEnergy vampires come in many forms:
After interacting with these people, you feel exhausted rather than exhilarated. Your creativity dips. Your motivation wanes.
"There is a universal law of energy—if someone or something drains your energy, you will never reach your potential." — Brendon Burchard This energy drain isn't just a feeling—it's a measurable liability to your success. Pay attention to how you feel after every significant interaction. If you consistently need to recover after engaging with someone, that's data you can't afford to ignore. 2. They Disrespect Your BoundariesHealthy boundaries are the immune system of your success. They protect your time, your focus, and your energy from constant invasion. Boundary violations look like:
Every time you allow a boundary violation, you teach people that your needs don't matter. And if your needs don't matter to you, they certainly won't matter to anyone else. 3. They Make You Second-Guess Your WorthPerhaps the most dangerous people are those who inject doubt into your self-perception. These are the "friends" who respond to your success with subtle digs. The clients who never seem satisfied regardless of your performance. The partners who constantly compare you to competitors. Their corrosive effect is cumulative and often invisible until significant damage is done. Studies show that self-doubt directly impacts decision-making quality. When you're constantly questioning your judgment or worth, you make defensive rather than offensive moves. You play not to lose instead of playing to win. For ambitious entrepreneurs, this mindset is fatal. How to Upgrade Your Relationship PortfolioHistorical figures have long understood the power of selective relationships. Benjamin Franklin created his famous "Junto" club, carefully selecting only those who would challenge and elevate his thinking. Thomas Edison surrounded himself exclusively with brilliant minds who energized rather than depleted his creativity. Eleanor Roosevelt wisely noted: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." Understanding you need better people around you is one thing. Actually making that happen is another. Here's how to strategically upgrade your relationship portfolio: 1. Conduct a Relationship AuditTake inventory of the 20 people you interact with most frequently. For each person, ask:
Be brutally honest. This isn't about judging others—it's about acknowledging reality. 2. Implement the Three R StrategyFor each negative relationship, decide which R applies: Restructure: Some relationships can be salvaged with clear boundaries and expectations. Often a single direct conversation can transform a draining relationship into a sustainable one. Reduce: Some relationships aren't toxic enough to eliminate but aren't healthy enough to maintain at current levels. Systematically decrease the frequency and duration of your interactions. Release: Some relationships simply need to end. This includes firing clients, distancing from undermining friends, or even leaving partnerships that no longer serve your growth. The hardest decisions often create the most space for opportunity. 3. Create Attraction Systems for Better RelationshipsNature abhors a vacuum. When you release negative relationships, you create space for better ones. But don't leave this to chance. Deliberately design your environment to attract your ideal relationships:
This deliberate approach to environment design mirrors what Franklin did with his Junto Club centuries ago. What made Franklin's approach so revolutionary was his selection criteria. He didn't choose the wealthiest or most powerful men in Philadelphia. Instead, he selected "ingenious" individuals with complementary skills — a physician, a mathematician, a geographer, a natural philosopher, and others who shared his hunger for knowledge and improvement. The rules of the group were explicit: members would debate "in the sincere spirit of inquiry after truth, without fondness for dispute or desire of victory." They asked each other challenging questions like "What benefits have you lately received from any man not present?" and "In what manner can the Junto assist you in any of your honorable designs?" This wasn't networking as we understand it today. It was relationship curation at its finest. The results were astonishing. From this single group emerged America's first lending library, volunteer fire department, public hospital, and even the University of Pennsylvania. The American Philosophical Society, which continues today, was a direct outgrowth of the Junto Club. Franklin's genius wasn't just his own intellect—it was his ability to create an environment where the right people could connect, challenge each other, and collectively elevate their impact. This is far more than a historical footnote. It's a masterclass in strategic relationship building that transformed not just Franklin's life but the entire American experiment. This isn't manipulation—it's intentional design. The Ultimate Test: Trust Your BodyI've given you frameworks and strategies, but here's the simplest way to know if someone belongs in your life: Pay attention to how your body responds when you see their name on your calendar or phone. Do you feel a subtle contraction in your chest? Does your breathing become shallow? Does your jaw tighten? Or do you feel an expansion, a lightness, an anticipation? Your body knows the truth about your relationships long before your mind is willing to admit it. And when you realize the truth, act accordingly. This wisdom isn't new. Ancient Roman philosopher Seneca advised: "Associate with people who are likely to improve you. Welcome those whom you are capable of improving. The process is a mutual one: men learn as they teach." The Hard Truth About Upgrading Your RelationshipsLet's address the elephant in the room: upgrading your relationship portfolio is uncomfortable. You'll face guilt about ending professional relationships that aren't working. You'll worry about being perceived as cold or calculating. You'll question whether you're making the right call. This discomfort is the tax you pay for growth. Every successful entrepreneur I know has had to make difficult relationship decisions on their path to creating something meaningful. Every single one has had to disappoint someone, end a partnership, fire a client, or distance themselves from energy-draining connections. You can't build something extraordinary while maintaining every relationship you've ever had. The math simply doesn't work. The energy required for exceptional achievement demands exceptional protection. Your New Relationship Standard - The 5:1 Return RuleLet me give you a new standard for evaluating the people in your life—I call it the 5:1 Return Rule: For every unit of energy you invest in a relationship, you should receive at least five units in return. This isn't about calculating or keeping score. It's about recognizing that truly valuable relationships multiply your energy rather than merely consuming it. When you apply this standard, the decision becomes clear: If they drain your energy, disrespect your boundaries, or make you second-guess your worth—they're not your people. Full stop. No exceptions. Not even for family, old friends, or profitable clients. This isn't about becoming cold or callous. It's about becoming clear and intentional. Because the truth is, there are people out there who will energize you, respect your boundaries, and reinforce your worth. People who will help you become the person you're capable of becoming. Those are your people. And you can't find them if all your time and energy is consumed by those who aren't. The most successful founders I know aren't just careful about their business strategies or their product features. They're ruthlessly selective about who gets access to their time, attention, and energy. You should be too. Thank you for reading. – Scott Other Partners (They Have Some Special Offers For Readers.. Check Them Out)
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