Why You Can’t Accept Compliments

You’re not being modest. You know you can do better.

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Someone messages me about a newsletter I wrote.

“This is incredible. Best thing you’ve written.”

I stare at the message.

I know I should just say thank you. That’s what normal people do. Someone compliments your work, you say thanks, you move on.

I type: “Thanks, appreciate it.”

Then I delete it. Feels wrong. Too simple. Like I’m agreeing with them.

I type: “Thanks! Still figuring it out though.”

Delete that too. Now I sound like I’m fishing for more compliments.

I settle on: “Thanks man, means a lot. Still working on getting better.”

Hit send. Immediately feel like a liar.

Not because the newsletter was bad. Because I know exactly where it falls short.

I spent four hours on the opening. Rewrote it six times. It’s still not quite right. The rhythm is off in the third paragraph. The example in the middle is good but not great—I used it because I couldn’t think of the better one. The ending feels rushed because I shipped it on deadline instead of taking another day.

They’re calling it incredible. I’m seeing every compromise.

Last year someone I deeply respect read a piece I’d worked on for three weeks and messaged me: “This is some of the best writing I’ve seen from you. You’ve hit a new level.”

I wanted to believe them. But I could still see where the transition was clunky, where I used a decent example instead of the perfect one I couldn’t remember, where the ending landed but not as hard as I heard it in my head.

They saw a finished piece. I saw a piece that got to maybe 85% of what I wanted it to be.

And 85% doesn’t feel like “a new level.” It feels like settling.