The Upgrade You Want vs. The Upgrade You Need

You want better opportunities, deeper relationships, and more money—but you're not willing to become the person who has those things.

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Someone wanted better friends.

Not new friends. Better ones. The kind who actually show up when things are hard, who have real conversations instead of small talk, who you can call at 2 AM without thinking twice.

They’d been trying everything. Joined groups. Went to events. Started conversations with people who seemed interesting. Met dozens of new people over the past year.

But the friendships stayed surface level. Polite. Pleasant. Never quite breaking through to the depth they wanted.

I asked what happened when conversations got vulnerable.

“I usually make a joke. Keep it light.”

And when friends tried to make plans?

“Sometimes I cancel if something better comes up. Or if I’m just not feeling it.”

And when friends needed them?

Long pause. “I mean, I’m supportive. I just don’t always... I guess I’m not great at showing up consistently.”

They wanted friends who showed up, stayed present, and went deep. But when it was their turn to do those things, they deflected with jokes, cancelled when something better came up, and kept everything surface level.

They wanted the upgrade in friendship quality without paying for the upgrade in themselves. Better friends require being a better friend first. That’s the upgrade cost, and most people can’t see it until someone points it out.