Stop taking things so personally
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The email came back with three words: “Can’t do Friday.”
No apology. No explanation. No “sorry” or “let me explain” or “here’s what’s going on.”
Just three words.
And I spent the next two hours constructing an entire narrative about what those three words meant.
She’s upset with me. I said something wrong in our last conversation. I was too direct. Or not direct enough. She’s pulling away. She doesn’t value our friendship anymore. She’s probably telling other people about whatever I did. This is the beginning of the end. I should reach out and explain myself. No, I should give her space. No, I should ask directly what’s wrong. No, I should—
None of this was in the email.
All of it was in my head.
The email said “Can’t do Friday.” My brain heard “You’re not important to me anymore and here’s the evidence and by the way everyone else probably agrees and you should spend the next several hours defending yourself against an attack that only exists in your imagination.”
I wish I could tell you this was an isolated incident. That I’ve grown past this kind of mental spiral. That I’ve evolved beyond making everything about me.
But here’s the truth: I do this constantly. Different scenarios, same pattern.
Someone takes longer than usual to respond to my text. They must be reconsidering our relationship.
Someone seems distracted during our conversation. They must find me boring.
Someone doesn’t laugh at my joke. They must think I’m not funny.
Someone chooses a different approach than I suggested. They must think my judgment is poor.
On and on and on. Taking neutral events and turning them into evidence. Building cases. Constructing narratives. Making everything mean something about me.
This is the trap we live in. The exhausting, anxiety-producing, relationship-destroying trap of making everything about us.
The bad driver isn’t having a bad day - they’re disrespecting you specifically.
The short email isn’t because they’re busy - it’s because you’re not worth their time.
The friend who didn’t call back isn’t dealing with their own chaos - they’re sending you a message about your value.
The colleague who seemed cold in the meeting isn’t stressed about their project - they’re judging you.
We take the actions of others - actions that have nothing to do with us - and we make them evidence in the case we’re constantly building about ourselves.
And it’s killing us.
Not metaphorically. Actually killing us. The constant vigilance. The endless mental simulations. The story-building. The defending. The rehearsing conversations that will never happen. The anxiety about what people think, what they meant, what they’re saying when you’re not around.
Most people spend more energy managing their self-image than actually living their lives.
Maturity is realizing most things aren’t about you. And that realization doesn’t just change how you feel. It fundamentally changes what you can see.
Let me show you why.
