Built, not born
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The people who seem calm under pressure aren’t feeling less than you. They’ve learned to keep the analytical part running even when the emotional part is loud.
A few years ago I was backstage before a talk, and my hands were doing the thing they do. Not shaking exactly, more like humming. That low vibration you can’t stop with willpower. The speaker before me walked out like he was heading to grab coffee. Relaxed shoulders, easy cadence, no notes. I watched him take a question from the audience that would’ve made me stall and he turned it into the best moment of his set.
When he came offstage I told him that was impressive. He laughed and said, “I’ve just done it enough times.”
I didn’t believe him. Or I believed his words but not his explanation. What I actually thought, standing there with my humming hands, was: this guy is wired for this. I’m not.
I’ve had that thought more times than I’d like to admit. Sitting across from someone in a meeting that went sideways, watching them stay surgically precise while my own thinking got cloudy. Fumbling a live interview question that a better host would’ve turned into a moment. Watching a founder I know give a keynote two hours after learning his biggest client was leaving. His voice didn’t waver. Mine would have.
Every time, the story was the same: some people are built for pressure and I drew a different hand.
That story felt like humility. Like honest self-assessment. It took me a long time to realize it was doing something much more useful than keeping me humble. It was keeping me safe. Because if composure is something you’re born with, there’s nothing to practice. The gap between me and the person across the table becomes permanent, and I never have to sit inside the discomfort long enough to close it.
